I Thought I Knew What Love Was

I always wanted to be a mom. I distinctly remember thinking around age 13, “I want to have a daughter that loves me the way I love my mom.”

…because that’s not at all self-serving…

What I didn’t understand before becoming a mom was that real love is sacrifice. Yes, I loved my mom growing up, and we are still very close. I love her dearly. [Insert “awwwww” here].

Still, up until a certain age (definitely older than 13), I wasn’t making regular, deliberate sacrifices for my mom’s wellbeing. She was making sacrifices for MY wellbeing. I felt love towards her because of the love she showed me through her actions. I loved being loved.

As I’ve grown older (Am I even allowed to say “grown older” at age 29??), I’ve made more regular, deliberate sacrifices for my mom. Although, I wouldn’t always call my actions “sacrifices.” Sometimes it’s as simple as showing her around a new function on her iPhone. Seriously, I love that all generations are now using emojis.

Anyway, I’m reciprocating love by choosing actions that show my mom love. And because she has shown me unconditional love for all these years, I am even more eager to return that love.

I want to raise children who respect and love their parents the way I do mine. (Hey, Dad!!). It’s no accident that I feel towards my parents the way I do. That I treat them the way I do. They worked their tails off for many years (and still do). They taught me the importance of showing love and respect towards others.

While it certainly is challenging to put so much time and effort into raising my children, it has been much less daunting than it would have been had I not had my parents’ love and direction for all these years.

So, here’s my question to you—

How will you teach your children to show love?

This isn’t something to start thinking about once your kids are a little older, because “a little older” will be here in a hot second. Start thinking today how you will consistently show love to your children and teach them to show love. Consider how you want your children to show love to you and others 5…10…20 years down the road.

What is one thing you can do that will make deposits into your child’s character so they may grow to be an example of love and sacrifice for others? Share your thoughts in a comment below.

How to Create Calm in a Chaotic Day

Last week I talked about how to cut out some of the chaos in your life. At the end of the day, though, there will always be some chaos. As a parent, its unavoidable.

Still, there are ways to create calm even in the most chaotic day. What it comes down to is intentionality.

5 Tips for Creating Calm in Your Day:

Get up early

  • Getting up early is one of the best ways to start your day.
    • The first hour of your day establishes the direction for the rest of your day.
    • Dan Miller refers to it as The Rudder of The Day.
  • If your first hour is rushed and frantic, the rest of your day will be rushed and frantic.
  • Get some “me time” in before the kids get up or before you get ready for work.
  • Here are some great ways to start your morning:
    • NOT by grabbing your phone and checking email or social media first thing when your alarm goes off. In fact, leave that until at least 10:00 or so if possible.
    • Eat breakfast slowly in peace and quiet.
    • Journal, read, pray, meditate, etc.
    • Exercise—get your blood pumping first thing in the morning.

Be mindful of your screen use.

  • My most stressful moments are when I’m using my phone and my kids are fighting for my attention.
    • These are the times I snap—not because they’re misbehaving, but because they’re interrupting my agenda.
    • I’ve also found that my kids tend to seek my attention more or misbehave when I’m distracted by technology. They’re not dummies. Even babies.
  • Set specific times to check texts, emails, and social media.
    • If people always expect quick replies from you, you’ve made yourself too available.
      • If someone needs you that badly, they can call.
  • By making yourself less available to the outside world, you’re making yourself more available to the people and things that REALLY matter.

Actually take a lunch break

  • At work
    • Clock out and eat your lunch. Simple as that. Your work can wait another half hour.
  • At home
    • Sit down. Taste your food. Simple as that. Your housework can wait another half hour.

Unplug 1-2 hours before bed

  • Things are chaotic as it is with dinner and getting the kids to bed. Constantly being pulled back and forth between our kids and our phones is a recipe for frustration and meltdowns (for us and our kids).
  • So many of us are so tied to our phones that we’re checking them from the moment we wake up until the minute our head hits the pillow.
    • The only way I avoid melting my eyeballs at night is by plugging my phone in to charge in another room. I quickly glance as I set my alarm to see if I have any voicemails that might be urgent. Other than that, I don’t look at anything.
  • Unplugging applies to other technology, too. So close the laptop, turn off the TV, and put away the tablets.
  • Unplugging is critical to falling asleep and getting good sleep.
    • The backlit screens on your phone/computer/TV suppress your body’s production of melatonin, the hormone that regulates sleep and wakefulness.
    • Screens=>suppressed melatonin production=>bad sleep.

Take some time to wind down before bed.

  • Establish a bedtime routine
  • Nighttime routines trigger melatonin production.
  • Routines=>increased melatonin production=>good sleep.

Some of these tips might seem impossible. As I said earlier, it’s about intentionality. A lot of things in life we think are unattainable really aren’t; we’re just not exercising the discipline and commitment it takes to get what we want.

Which of the above can you implement this week to help create calm in your day? Share in a comment below!

How to Cut Out Some of the Chaos

There’s no denying it. Life with an infant can be pretty chaotic.

The crying…the lack of sleep…the pooping…the doctors appointments…being halfway to your destination when you realize you left the diaper bag at home…forgetting the formula…spilling 15 ounces of breastmilk…spit up on your face…baby food splattered all over the floor…the list goes on and on. Oh yeah, and the countless Google searches because you’re convinced that the little spot on the back of your baby’s leg is the plague.

What if I told you you could cut out some of the chaos? (Whaaaaaaat??) 

Yep, it’s true!

Here are some tips for doing so:

Get help!

  • How much of your chaos comes from you trying to do it all?
  • You don’t have to be Supermom. (Please, don’t even strive for it. She’s really not that great).
  • No, things won’t always be done the way you want them to. You’re going to have to let go of control if you want anyone to help you.
  • If someone asks if you want help, take them up on their offer NOW.
  • Reach out to people! Even people you think don’t want to help. They might surprise you.

Say “no.”

  • Part of being Supermom is being a “yes” mom. Remember: don’t be Supermom. Don’t be a “yes” mom.
  • When you say yes to everyone else, you’re saying no to yourself.
  • Even when you say yes to good things for yourself, you’re usually saying “no” to better things for yourself. Say “yes” to the things that truly matter and that will fill your cup.

Strip things down to the bare necessities.

  • Write a list of what you do each day of the week in a typical week.
  • Which of these things do you LOVE doing?
  • Which of these things could you outsource? Could you find people to do those things for free? If not, could you put it in your budget to pay for those things? Just imagine – you could skip the Starbucks and hire someone to clean your house every week instead. Uhh…awesome, right?
  • Which of these things could you eliminate? COMPLETELY eliminate. Remember, don’t be a “yes” person.
  • Set the precedent when your kids are young that you refuse to live a life of constant chaos.

Create buffer time.

  • Do you feel like you’re constantly rushing from one thing to the next? Are you always late? Chances are, you’re living with an unrealistic idea of how time works when you have a baby. Just plan on everything taking twice as long as you think it should.
  • Set your departure time 15 minutes early (or even 30 minutes) whenever you’re going somewhere. If you leave right at your departure time, great! If not, you have that buffer time built in.

There is no magic wand to make your life less hectic. However, you do have more control than you think.

What can you do this week to cut out some of the chaos? Share in a comment below!

Are Your Friends TRUE Friends?

Think of a time if your life when you have felt completely and utterly overwhelmed. What did you do? Did you turn to things that were helpful or harmful? Did you turn to people who would simply tell you everything will be okay or people who would support you AND challenge you to move beyond where you are?

I recently felt pretty overwhelmed and lost, so I met with a friend at a park nearby. She was facing challenges similar to mine. As we each enjoyed two scoops of Graeter’s Buckeye Chocolate Chip ice cream (SO GOOD), we talked about what was going on. We shared what we were struggling with and what we were thinking about doing.

When I finished sharing, Melissa asked me a few questions. I didn’t like those questions. They challenged me and forced me to really dig deep and figure out exactly what direction I wanted to go in. She then recommended something that I had considered, but had kind of pushed to the back of my mind, afraid of where it might lead me. What Melissa pointed out though, was that the very thing that I was avoiding was the very thing that could bring forth a breakthrough in my life.

I trusted in a friend to challenge me, and I’m so glad she did.

Melissa isn’t a “yes friend.” As I grow in my life and business, I’m realizing how critical it is that I have friends that are more than “yes friends”—they’re true friends. Sure, sometimes I’ve felt that I just need someone to listen. But I’ve found that those are the times when I actually need a true friend to listen and then challenge me to move beyond where I am toward greater things.

This week, take a close look at your friendships. Are your friends true friends or are they “yes friends”? Might you need to shift focus and strengthen the relationships with your true friends?

Think of a time when you had a true friend really come through when you needed them most. How did they help you work through what you were struggling with? Share as a comment below!